Why Men Need Feminism Too

Olivia Fleischer
Jul 3, 2022
8 min read

Patriarchy: a system of society or government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it.

Gender Binary: a classification of gender into two distinct, opposite forms of masculine and feminine; male vs female.

After asking my husband to edit my last post for me, he had a few questions. One concern that stuck out to me was, “I don’t really understand why you’re pointing out that baby girls are rewarded for being pleasant, helpful, and cooperative, while baby boys are rewarded for being tough and stoic. I don’t see how one group of traits is better or worse than the other.” And that, in essence, is the problem with the patriarchy. One group is not better than the other. Well-rounded and healthy individuals should really have a balance of all of those traits and many more. But the patriarchy says otherwise. The patriarchy has put a higher value on being tough and stoic (or having superior “male traits”) than on being pleasant and cooperative (or having inferior and submissive “female traits”). The patriarchy has created a gender binary, a deep divide on what it means to be male vs. female. But in reality, neither of the above sets of traits are healthy on their own. The patriarchy is not good for anyone, not even men. This follow-up post focuses on the harms that men endure when patriarchal values are upheld, and how feminism is therefore not just meant for women.

Before I rattle off that (again incomplete) list though, I do want to point out that it is much shorter than my previous list about women's oppression. This is because women are disproportionately affected by this system, not because I care less about men. I am rooting for the improvement of all of our lives, not just those of one gender. With that being said, let's discuss hyper-masculinity and the emotional suppression of men.

Just as young girls are taught to suppress negative emotions such as anger, young boys are also taught to suppress specific emotions. The opposite emotions. When boys express anger and are assertive, they are rewarded for being strong and masculine, or for expressing emotions that society approves of them having. But when they express more "feminine" emotions such as fear and sadness, they are often told to "man up." Being sensitive and vulnerable in this society often leads to men being told to "stop crying like a girl" or to "stop being gay." As if being either of those things is somehow wrong. As if there are no benefits to being sensitive and vulnerable. Having more "feminine" emotions and qualities can actually deepen relationships, facilitate better communication, and overall improve one's quality of life.

The subliminal and blatant messages that boys receive about manliness therefore leaves them with limited options for expressing themselves, causing many to then hold on to their pride and remain stoic even through mental health issues. This can have tragic consequences. According to the CDC, suicide rates are 4x higher in males than in females. Many men have a very hard time being vulnerable enough to ask for help when they need it, causing their internalized pain to eventually consume them. Emotional suppression in men does not just lead to personal harm either, it can also lead to the harm of others. When males don't have the capacity to express their fears and sadness without being shamed for it, those emotions often get converted into anger and aggression. And when paired with a sense of entitlement and superiority, anger and aggression can easily turn into violence. This makes toxic masculinity the root cause of male violence. Have you ever noticed how the violent crimes you read about in the news are almost never committed by females? 80-90% of US homicides are committed by men, and men are much more likely than women to be the perpetrators in domestic abuse cases. Additionally, according to The Violence Project (a non-profit mass shooter database that tracks mass shootings all the way back to 1966), only 4 out of 176 mass shootings involved a female offender. In other words, 98% of mass shootings have been at the hands of men. And 80% of those men were in noticeable crisis prior to their shooting. This is largely because young men undergoing extreme mental health issues are an easy target for exploitation and radicalization by underground terrorist groups on the internet, ultimately leading to the atrocities they commit - (more information on this type of terrorism to come in a future post). Mass shootings are therefore not just a "gun issue" as the left claims or a "mental health issue" as the right claims -- gun violence is very clearly a patriarchal and gender issue as well. The issue therefore cannot be solved with common sense guns laws or mental health support alone (although both are definitely part of the solution). The solution must also include the teaching of feministic values and the emotional freedom and support of both genders early on in children's lives.

In addition to both men and women experiencing different types of emotional suppression at the hands of the patriarchy, both genders also experience body image issues. Females are not the only ones pressured to fit into a specific box when it comes to appearance and beauty. Male body image issues are on the rise too, with a study by the University of the West of England finding that 63% of men think their arms and chests are not muscular enough, and that over 1 in 10 men state they would trade one year of their life for the ideal body weight and shape.

Like females, males also deal with a lack of parental leave from the workplace when they welcome new children into their lives. In fact, they are actually less likely than women to be granted paid paternity leave. They are also much more likely to be teased by their colleagues about child-rearing, and are more likely to find themselves without a baby changing station in their public restrooms. Of course, this lack of support for fathers in the US stems from the patriarchal assumption that child-rearing is women's work. Nevertheless, it still negatively affects men too.

The deliberate misinformation surrounding sexual harassment and assault that gets circulated through the media can also have a negative effect on men. As I briefly mentioned in my previous post, the likelihood of a woman lying about being assaulted by a man is very low. This is not to say that women never lie about being assaulted - yes, on occasion some do. But it is rare compared to the actual rates of assault. Yet 27% of American men say they will no longer have a one-on-one meeting with a woman in the workplace for fear of her spreading false allegations about him afterwards. This is because the media uses the small number of false assault allegations that they come across to inflate the issue of women lying about their victimization. It is an attempt to invalidate the women's rights movement, and it works. Take the recent highly publicized Depp v Heard trial, for instance. Yes, Amber Heard did tell lies about being assaulted and it did negatively affect Johnny Depp's career and reputation. But that case had much more to it than just that one fact, and it is not as common an occurrence as the media would like you to believe. Instances such as this give people a reason to label all women as attention-seeking liars, and to associate feminism with being a witch-hunt against men. This is fear-mongering, and exacerbates the dismissal of women. Men need feminism so that they can learn the truth about this type of misinformation and about assault rates. They need feminism so they can start believing women when they speak up about their experiences. So that they can stop fearing women, and can instead create an overall safer environment for both women and themselves. If you have never assaulted a woman, than you should have absolutely nothing to fear.

The last reasons that I want to discuss for why men also need feminism are the ones listed in my previous blog post. That last post should have been disturbing to those who may not have realized how heavily our current society is still laced with misogyny. Every single account of sexism that I listed should be reason enough for men to get involved in this movement. Not just because those instances of oppression are happening to their mothers, sisters, partners, and daughters. But because they are happening to human beings. The fact that women are still being treated as less than human should be reason enough to curb any prior complacency that you may have had. To remain silent at this point is to say that you don't really care what happens to women at the hands of the patriarchy. And to say that you are not personally a sexist so the issue has nothing to do with you is also to say that you don't care what men who are sexist are doing to the male reputation as a whole. Frankly, if I were a man, I would be insulted by what the patriarchy is doing to the male reputation. By putting the problem and solution solely on the oppressed (for instance by telling women to deal with dangerous men by not wearing short skirts, not flirting, not walking alone at night, etc.), we are essentially accepting that male violence is inevitable and cannot be fixed. Telling women to solve this male problem on their own should insult good men everywhere, because it sullies their name too. Women should not have to adjust accordingly to a male problem.

Feminism is for everyone because in one way or another it does affect everyone. It is for a better and safer future for all genders. Again, the intention of this blog is to encourage impactful micro-actions in daily life. So here are a few more that you can try to implement to help the cause: Firstly, men can start re-learning how to express themselves. Practice being vulnerable around the ones you love who you feel safest with and who will not judge you. Learn how to express the emotions you may not have previously had the capacity or the permission to express, and learn how to ask for help when you are struggling. This suggestion can also be applied to children: Parents should do their best to make sure they are teaching their sons and daughters to express their full range of emotions, and to make sure specific emotions are not being stifled - even by classmates through bullying. Encourage your children to ask for your help (or even professional help) when they show signs of needing it. Just as there is no shame in going to a doctor for help for a physical injury, there should be no shame in needing a professional's help with a mental issue.

You can also start asking questions. If you don't understand how an action or a conversation that you took part in or that you witnessed involved sexism, then ask a knowledgeable woman to clarify for you. Become curious. Try to identify and debunk misinformation in the media as well as your own preconceived notions. You don't have to read a ton of books or take a gender studies class, you can start to slowly deconstruct the patriarchal values that surround you just by paying a little more attention and becoming curious. Women can also help men get more involved in the women's rights movement by never judging their desire to better understand. We need as many allies as possible, so it would be silly on our part to laugh at vulnerability and shame men for not knowing everything just yet. If we let them, men can become one of our biggest assets in this movement.